New Year's Eve & Bachelor Parties

I am blogging at night right now, which is incredibly unusual. Normally even when I post at night, most of that entry was written during the day but never published. To be posting on a Friday night? Blasphemy.

I am trying to dry myself out a bit. Last weekend I had an alcohol blowout Thursday evening, a modest drinking night Saturday, and a good ten hour streak on Sunday. I have abstained from the drink all week, which I must say feels a lot longer than it really is.

Here is the problem: my body knows it's Friday night. As I sit here I feel an excitement: This is it, this is the weekend! Let's go! But I resist, which is not fun. I have the inconsolable feeling that there is fun permeating every corner of this city and that I am missing out. In reality I am probably not. It's usually the same story whenever I go out. I spend too much money and get way too drunk; then I get mean. My cohorts are usually worse than me.

I want you to stop and think about that sentence for a moment: My friends are usually worse. Think of who I drink with on a regular basis: an artsy man who in my opinion is basically a hobo and a liquor sink from India. Though I am a half dozen sheets on any given weekend--I am usually the mastermind who steers the group and makes the decisions.

There are really only two nights a year in which I am the drunken burden: my own birthday and New Year's Eve.

I don't even know why I celebrate New Year's Eve, I don't even really enjoy it. Symbolically and morally it really is completely illogical. On New Year's Day we all presume we are suddenly going to become perfect people, as we are somehow forgiven by the calendar for all of our discretions and have resolved to be basically demigods of health and honor. Why not usher this in by indulging in all the worst habits we've accumulated? Let's celebrate how amazing we will be tomorrow by reliving "one last time" all the things that we are to lose interest in. That usually shoots it all in the foot for me, I've already failed on New Year's Day because, as we all know, hung over people are not in any way amazing.

I like the concept of a night of complete hedonism to cap off a reprehensible lifestyle, and the process will somehow leave not missing these things in any way. My favorite example of this is bachelor parties. Here we take a man and put him through a gauntlet of every tantalization known to man to celebrate his "last night of freedom". He is driven around with his friends, more often than not in a limo and showered with booze at every turn. Not one cent comes out of his pocket for anything throughout the night. He is entertained by prostitutes and strippers as well as strippers who do light prostitution and prostitutes who will strip for him (believe it or not most prostitutes don't really do strip teases).

This has to be the highest high of any man. He has nothing but testosterone coursing through his veins and has a patchy covering of whatever oozes of adult entertainers mixed with cheap perfume. He is perspiring alcohol which reacts with the solution to make an armor of masculinity. Internally and externally that is sportin' pure lumber. Every man should be so lucky as to experience this sensation--engagement or not.

Then two weeks later he's standing up on the alter getting married. He has to stare into the faces of all the men who accompanied him on his great night of freedom and agree to give that all up forever? That has to be a hard pill to swallow.

Then again it's sort of a sham. The example of bachelordom presented him isn't in anyway indicative of a normal results; that should be a disclaimer told to the groom at the beginning. What is so alluring is neither here nor there: if he was single forever his life wouldn't actually be like his bachelor party. Another thing is going to a bachelor party isn't as fun as being the groom. Everyone really focuses on him, and he gets more of a pass on bad behavior.

All in all I suppose the moral of the story is to not really analyze why we celebrate an elevation in morality by tabling morals. I've wasted a lot of time doing it and don't really want to discourage people from either of these parties. I think I'll have a beer. Samir The Seer is on his way over.

Chernesky out.